reshufflethislove

I know you are fucking busy.

I really do.

You try very hard to meet up with me even though your schedule's packed.

I really appreciate it, but don't you think you're trying too hard to make time for me?

I shouldn't have reminded you about the letters.

Could have seen whether you remembered about it or not.

And yes, I fucking know you don't have time but you still typed out substitute blogposts for me.

Thank you really, those blog posts really made me smile during my days of work at Expo.

But it's really saddening.. you look from my point of view lor,

it's fucking frustrating when I don't get prioritized after that 5 days overseas trip.

Thats why I was disappointed and most importantly, I felt that you neither care nor miss me.

I honestly felt that I was the only one missing you throughout the 5 days while you were enjoying. Yep.

Since you're so occupied, SMSing is our usual way of communication.

Not even a sorry till I mentioned that you left w/o sending me a goodbye SMS before you left overseas. Fuck.

How the fuck would someone forget to bid goodbye to their loved ones before leaving the country? Zzz.

Come back on Tuesday alr also go play. Nvm. Since I was the one that said we'll meet on Wed.

I once said distance isn't a problem for me.

But yeah, that is only if I felt that I meant something to you.

Thats why I was reluctant to meet you on Wednesday.

I assumed that you'd clear the whole Wednesday for me cause we didn't met for such a long period.

But you suggested to meet up at 7pm....... ok nvm lor you got CCA what.

Thats why I said I "wanted to let you rest."

To see if you rather rest or would you rather see me on Wednesday but you chose the former.

To me, you weren't that desperate to see me at all after all those days of absence.

"Whatever Nicholas think is best" when I asked you your opinion about ending this relationship?!

So I'm the only one in this damn relationship, you have nothing to do with it?

Fucking shit.

If you really do feel bad for not being able to spend time with me,

WHY NOT TRY TO REPLY YOUR DAMN SMSES AT A BETTER RATE?!

2 hours once also cannot meh.......? How long can a short sms take? Sigh.

Becos when you're with me, you can reply your friend's sms so fast wor..... :/

But that sms might be important la, cause mine is rubbish k I know. Thats why you cant be bothered.

Mine can just postpone, reply later.

I expected too much from you ba.

It's alright, reciprocation is one sided after all.

I'm really happy during the times you reply me at night though.

There were things you said I didn't understand, what did I not get?

Why the fuck don't you explain, convey your damn feelings to me?

IF YOU KEEP MUM, HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW?

Why the fuck don't you feel that your efforts were appreciated by me?

Why the fuck don't you feel that I FEEL THE SAME ABOUT MY EFFORTS NOT BEING APPRECIATED BY YOU?

Respecting my decision just like that?

You think it's very easy for me to say such a thing to you when I still have so much feelings for you?

I thought you'd at least try to salvage but k, you just respected it.

You make me feel like I'm not even worth fighting for, you can just go with my decision.

Bloody fk.

Does this whole issue even affect you? I bet you are sleeping, looking forward to tomolo.

对你来说, 少我一个也没关系吧.

I guess I was right to give this relationship up.

It's alright, you're definitely better off without me.

More time for you to rest, catch up with your studies.

How to remain as friends with you since you don't have time anyway?

I'm just some selfish bastard that wants you all by myself k.

I didn't understand you from the start.

I still love you and I'm sorry.

2nd Dec
K why am I upset about all these? :(

I was the one that suggested it. 我自找的.

But I didn't know the impact would be this great. 心好痛 ah. 真的.

You also dowan talk to me liao.

I miss you so fucking much right now.

Past two relationships couldn't even be compared to what I'm feeling right now.

I'll get out of this misery asap.

When I snap out of it, I'm going to delete you.

Before the 9th, I swear.

3rd Dec
心很累.

Today I went to Changi airport but my 伤痛没跟着飞机一起飞, 反而更痛.

我算是尽力了, 不过还是挽救不了.

没关系吧. 爱在最不恰当的时间, 我又能怎样?

我想真的是时候该下定决心放弃了.

都已经够痛了.

吃东西的时候可能会想起你以前帮我夹食物

喝水时可能会想起和你一起喝一样的.

走过我们两去过的地方可能伤心.

But slowly all these feelings will fade sometime ba.

I cannot type in Chinese anymore lol very incoherent idk what I talking but... ok understandable.

This is a life hurdle! I will survive this!

Let's both be happy k, at least it's not a violent, furious break up.

2 weeks later? Nobody can tell what will happen. ~_~

But I really hope 2 weeks from now,

I wouldn't be the one for you anymore. You wouldn't be the one for me too.

Ok I'm on the rebound~ T_T

This is me emoing on the bus wa jiao bin.

If you scrutinize, I wore Mr Happy tee but fuck that shit!

Very fragile kk now hor me must handle with care.

4th Dec

-UPDATE-

Wow I can't believe that sms you sent me after I've alrd deleted you from everything.

Cause I've alrd made up my mind to forget you....

Ok so I thought maybe this was fate? Maybe you still want me in your life.

Once again, you gave me false hopes.

Can't believe I'm going for a round 3 the emo cycle. It gets worse each time, damn.

Am I really that easy to be pushed around like that?

Idk if it's fun to you but toying with my feelings like that. Sigh.

This time I felt really angry.

Why the fuck did you come back when I've alrd decided?

Why the fuck did you ask me to be yours again?

Why the fuck did you give me another negative answer when you're the one

that came back and told me to be yours again?

Why the fuck do you want me to hate you.... why?

I fucking hate the word 'respect' now.

I really want to know whether you're crying over this or not.

Because even if you push me away, I want to be there to wipe your tears.

I'm really angry. But deep down inside my heart, I won't hate you and I still want you.

But no, I can't think that way anymore. I want to forget you.

I wanna take a retrograde step back to how happy I was before all these happened.

不在乎天长地久, 只在乎曾经拥有.

拥有过, 所以才拼命想办法不要再度失去爱.

But nvm la it takes two hands to clap for a relationship. (Mutual)

长痛不如短痛因为都一样会痛.

只不过是 different degrees of 痛.

痛完了就好了.

I'm really afraid of falling in love now.

My heart, head, eyes really hurt and it's so hard to fall asleep.

But I can only endure the pain now, it'll dissipate when this foul luck gets passed on to another person.